My Extremely Biased Top 10 Songs of Eurovision 2023

My first exposure to the Eurovision Song Contest was in 2012 during my semester abroad in London. I was taking a class called “British Music in the 20th Century,” one of those location-specific filler classes you take while you’re studying abroad that has little to do with your actual major but ends up being fun as hell. My professor told us about this Europop song competition that Brits get drunk and hate-watch every year. As a connoisseur of Event Television, and with surprisingly little else to do on a Saturday night, I decided to tune in to see what all the fuss was about. 

I haven’t been the same since. 

The lights! The costumes! The gimmicks! The presenters doing their best with English and French! Jedward! And then, the goddess herself, Loreen. 

I really did feel like little Will Ferrell watching ABBA at the beginning of Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga. It was all so big and silly and a joy to watch. I was hooked. 

I was fully in my Tumblr era back then, so I avoided my schoolwork by diving deep into the Eurovision fandom. I learned about the politics of the contest (which are surprisingly well-portrayed in the 2020 film), got the jump on next year’s contestants and learned how to watch in the U.S., either by joining a watch party of likeminded locals or tapping into the BBC stream via VPN. You had to put in WORK to watch the show back in the day; now you can watch along with Johnny Weir on Peacock for the low low price of $4.99. Kids these days don’t know how good they have it. 

While there’s a part of me that wants to gatekeep Eurovision (and not without reason; see the American Song Contest), I’m glad that more folks in the States can experience the pure campy joy that is this week of shows. And of course, being the super-fan blogger that I am, I figured I’d share my personal top 10 of this year’s Grand Final acts. 

10. Spain - “EAEA” by Blanca Paloma 

Countries that submit songs that showcase their cultures always get extra points from me. This dissonant flamenco banger stands out among the more generic pop tunes by successfully integrating Spain’s musical heritage into a 3 ½ minute bop. The uneven time signature and lack of musical climax might put it at a disadvantage against some of the more typical earworms, but I have a feeling it’ll end up on my Spotify Wrapped anyway. 

9. Belgium - “Because of You” by Gustaph

Belgium’s entry could’ve missed the Grand Final for falling into the generic club banger trap, but I’m glad it made it out of the semis. It’s almost summer, it’s almost Pride, and I want nothing more than a good four-on-the-floor beat and lyrics about seeing yourself the way your loved ones do. Is it the song of the summer? Probably not, but it will probably sound great at your local block party. 

8. Norway - “Queen of Kings” by Alessandra

I can always rely on Eurovision for some new additions to my workout playlist and “Queen of Kings” is definitely going in the “Muscle Mommy Anthems” section. The self-empowerment lyrics are a bit obvious, but it’s got a beat that won’t quit and will definitely make you want to go run through the fields slaying your enemies. Although if I get a little too overzealous while listening to this, I’m sending my physical therapy bills directly to Norway’s selection committee. With great power comes great responsibility, folks.

7. Czechia - “My Sister’s Crown” by Vesna

More! Female! Empowerment! Anthems! As you can tell, I have a thing for folk-pop when it comes to Eurovision, probably stemming from my own lack of connection to my ancestral culture(s) due to assimilation, but we don’t have time to unpack all of that. I think this is one of the better “message” songs of the contest, with lyrics in Czech, Ukrainian, English and Bulgarian reflecting the band members’ nationalities and the fight for gender equality across Europe. Plus, I can’t resist those harmonies. 

6. Portugal - “Ai Coração” by Mimicat

As someone of Portuguese descent, I will (almost) always be a little biased towards Portugal in the contest. When I saw Mimicat saunter on stage during the semis in her big feathered dress belting out this flamenco-inspired bop, I had a “she’s just like me for real” moment. In some corner of my brain, this is who I want to be: strong brows, fluent in Portuguese, confident in my belt and surrounded by hot dancers. Do I want all the problems that come along with being an actual pop star? Absolutely not. But you may catch me bopping around Brooklyn to this song in a similarly feathery dress at some point this summer. Live your dreams. 

5. France - “Evidemment” by La Zarra

France has been one of the most consistent members of the Big 5 for me, always submitting something interesting and Very French. This year’s entry is actually performed by a Canadian (which has worked out well for them in the past) and it slaps. La Zarra is giving us Disco Chanteusse - a little Edith Piaf, a little Dua Lipa. We seem to be deep in the Disco Revival, so this should do well. Personally, I’m going to need brain surgery to get this catchy chorus out of your head. 

4. United Kingdom - “I Wrote a Song” by Mae Muller 

I don’t say this often, but I’m so proud of the U.K. for actually TRYING when it comes to Eurovision. I think the selection committee has been sending the first artist who showed interest for the last decade or so, to some deeply boring results. It seems like they decided to turn things around last year and personally, I think this year’s entry beats last year’s runner-up “Space Man.” We love a break-up anthem, we love a club banger, we love having the maturity to turn your pain into art instead of blasting your ex online. We love Mae Muller! 

3. Austria - “Who the Hell is Edgar?” by Salena and Teya

Look, I’ll be real with you all. I’ve been battling a serious case of writer’s block for the last…well, it’s been a while. Don’t look at the date on my last post, I don’t want to talk about it. At times I, too, wished I had been possessed by the ghost of Edgar Allen Poe like the protagonist of this aural masterpiece from Austria. Most of Poe’s stories are Too Spooky for Me, so that probably wouldn’t work out. So I’ll keep listening to this song and writing my silly little posts. It does seem to help. 

2. Finland - “Cha Cha Cha” by Käärijä

What can I say about “Cha Cha Cha” that hasn’t already been said? This is peak Eurovision: camp, neon costumes, very questionable dance moves, a Nordic country doing metal, and possibly the biggest earworm of the contest. For all those reasons, there is a very good chance they could win. And you know what, good for them. Next year in Helsinki. 

1. Sweden - “Tattoo” by Loreen

Our queen has returned to us and we are not worthy. Eurovision doesn’t always reward returning champs, but…this song is “Euphoria” level. It’s the kind of electro-pop brilliance you expect from Sweden and it’s just genuinely an excellent song. Yes, the lyrics are essentially the same as “Tattoo” by Jordin Sparks, but, sorry to Ms. Sparks, Loreen has perfected the formula. And you don’t mess with perfection. 

I’m wrapping this up as we’re 22 songs into the Grand Final, and I’m happy with my choices. And if you read to the end of this, you deserve Douze Points.